HEATHER SUTTON DISCOVERS THE TRUTH — NOW HIRE HER AT CNN

Shout-out to the Cornell Sun. Shout-out to The Press. Shout-out to The Truth. Shout-out to Transparency. Heather C. Sutton just baptized herself in OutFrontCNN holy water over the Chi Phi file and called it journalistic courage.

Courage. For a campus paper and a civil-suit choir chasing a two-year-old story the local DA already said had a signed police statement describing drug use and sexual conduct as voluntary, conscious, and consensual. Insufficient evidence. No charges. No indictment. No conviction. Then Hochul “loses faith,” Letitia James gets the special-prosecutor cape, and Heather’s out here clapping like she just watched Spotlight 2: Frat Edition.

Impressed with the focus it took. Focus on what — skipping the receipt? Memory-holing Van Houten? Casting White frat boys before November? Calling a midterms airlift “transparency”?

We named ourselves Fake News Network on purpose. Heather just auditioned for the choir. Heart. Prayers. Courage. Truth. Everything but the signed statement.

FNN prints the receipt. Heather prints the applause.

— Fake News Network

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